Why We Need to Stop Telling Women to “Stay Strong” and Start Letting Them Feel
When I found out I needed a full hysterectomy, I felt a mix of emotions—overwhelm, fear, relief, gratitude. But what caught me off guard was the voice inside my head telling me to toughen up and not make a big deal out of it. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are women so often conditioned to suppress their emotions, even when facing something as major as surgery? In this post, I’m sharing my journey, the unexpected whirlwind of tests that led to my diagnosis, and how I’m navigating the emotional side of it all. If you’ve ever felt like you shouldn’t feel the way you do, this is for you.
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April 2nd: Surgery Day
In just a few weeks, I’ll be having a full hysterectomy—removing my uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and cervix. The whole thing will be done vaginally, which, if all goes smoothly, is pretty incredible from a medical standpoint. But that’s not the part I’ve been struggling with the most.
What has been hitting me harder than I expected? The mental and emotional weight of it all.
I’ve felt overwhelmed, which is completely normal. But what I didn’t expect was the voice in my head saying, Why are you making such a big deal about this? You’ll be fine. Other people have gone through worse. Just get on with it.
And that’s when I had to stop and ask myself:
• Where is this pressure coming from?
• Why do I feel like I should be handling this with a stiff upper lip?
• Why aren’t we talking more openly about what it’s like to go through something like this?
Because here’s the truth: women have the right to feel however the hell they want to feel. Some people go through surgery and barely blink. Others feel deeply emotional about it. There is no right way to process big life events like this.
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How It All Started: The Test Women Rarely Get
What led me here happened fast.
When I had routine bloodwork done, my doctor included a CA-125 test—a test that measures a protein often associated with ovarian cancer and other gynecological issues. The thing is, this test isn’t commonly done for women unless there are already symptoms (which is ridiculous, but that’s a rant for another day).
My CA-125 levels came back elevated.
Elevated levels can be a sign of a tumor, which immediately triggered a whirlwind of medical appointments:
✅ An ultrasound to take a closer look
✅ A CT scan to rule out anything serious
✅ More bloodwork to check for patterns
✅ A visit with an oncologist to discuss options
All of this happened in the span of a month. It was overwhelming. Necessary, yes—but still overwhelming.
And yet, I kept hearing this little voice in my head saying, Don’t make a big deal out of it. Just get through it.
But why? Why do we do this to ourselves?
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The Emotional Weight of Surgery (That No One Talks About)
Surgery isn’t just about what happens in the operating room. It’s about everything leading up to it—the waiting, the unknowns, the conversations you have with yourself in the middle of the night.
Here’s what I’ve realized:
• It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Surgery is a big deal. Our bodies are literally being opened up and changed forever.
• It’s okay to cry. Processing big emotions isn’t weakness. It’s part of being human.
• It’s okay to be scared and okay at the same time. You can feel multiple things at once—gratitude, anxiety, relief, and frustration can all coexist.
• We need to stop telling women to be “strong” and instead remind them that it’s okay to feel. Strength doesn’t mean suppressing emotions. It means allowing ourselves to experience them fully.
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What’s Helping Me Stay Grounded
Through all of this, I’ve had moments of total overwhelm.
But there are a few things that have helped me stay above the line emotionally:
🧘♀️ Daily meditation. Even just a few minutes a day gives me a break from my racing thoughts.
📖 Journaling. I write about everything—my fears, my frustrations, my gratitude for my doctors, the small moments of peace I find between appointments. Getting my thoughts on paper helps me process them instead of letting them build up inside.
🌿 Gentle movement. Some days I go for a walk. Some days I stretch. Some days I just sit on my yoga mat and breathe. Moving my body reminds me that I am still here, still strong, still healing.
If you’re going through something overwhelming, I encourage you to find your own anchor. Maybe it’s writing. Maybe it’s meditation. Maybe it’s something else entirely. But whatever it is, let it be something that makes you feel safe, heard, and supported.
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If This Resonates With You…
Have you ever felt like you shouldn’t feel a certain way? Like you needed to stay strong when really, you just needed to fall apart for a bit?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below or share your experience with me—I genuinely want to open up the conversation about this.
And if journaling has ever been something that’s helped you process big emotions, you might love the journal I created for myself (and for others who need a safe place to work through life’s messiness). You can check it out here.
Whatever you’re facing right now, please remember: you’re allowed to feel it all.
Big hugs,
Jewels