The holidays are supposed to feel joyful, but for many people they feel heavy, lonely, or emotionally exhausting. This post explores why this time of year can be hard on our mental health, how hormones like oxytocin affect our sense of connection, and nine simple ways to feel more connected to yourself and others during the holiday season.
December 21st.
Winter solstice.
Four days before Christmas.
This is the point in the year where the days are shortest, the pressure is loudest, and a lot of people are quietly hanging on.
And yet, we walk around acting like everyone is holly jolly and emotionally hydrated.
Spoiler alert. They’re not.
I want to talk about hormones today. Not in a textbook way. In a real life, midlife, exhausted, sensitive nervous system kind of way.
Because this time of year messes with our hormones. And our hormones mess with how we feel, how connected we feel, and whether we reach out or pull back.
First, Let’s Clear Up the Hormone Confusion
People throw around words like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin like they’re interchangeable. They’re not.
Here’s the plain language version.
Dopamine
This is the motivation and reward hormone.
It’s the “I did a thing” chemical.
Great for getting stuff done. Not great for connection.
Serotonin
This supports mood stability and emotional balance.
It’s more about feeling steady than feeling excited.
Oxytocin
This is the bonding hormone.
The safety hormone.
The “you’re not alone” hormone.
And right now, in late December, oxytocin is the one most of us are low on.
Not because we’re broken.
Because we’re busy, stressed, overstimulated, and emotionally cautious.
Six Ways Hormones Affect Us More at This Time of Year
This is why this conversation matters right now, specifically.
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Less daylight messes with mood and sleep
Shorter days affect melatonin and serotonin, which can leave people feeling flat or heavy. -
Stress hormones are already running high
Cortisol doesn’t care that it’s Christmas. Deadlines, money, family dynamics all keep it elevated. -
Loneliness spikes even when we’re surrounded by people
Being around others isn’t the same as feeling connected. -
Nostalgia can hit unexpectedly
Memories, both good and painful, get activated. That’s a hormonal and nervous system response, not weakness. -
Expectations increase emotional pressure
There’s an unspoken rule that we’re supposed to feel happy. That alone can shut people down. -
Oxytocin often drops because we stop reaching out
Not because we don’t care. Because we assume everyone else is fine.
They’re not. And neither are you.
Nine Simple Ways to Increase Oxytocin Almost Immediately
None of these require a personality transplant or a yoga retreat.
These are small, human, doable things.
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Give a real hug
Not a drive by. A full, slow, couple-of-breaths hug. -
Pet an animal
A cat, a dog, a horse, even someone else’s very friendly dog. This is science backed magic. -
Send a “thinking of you” text
No backstory. No explanation. Just reach out. -
Make eye contact and actually listen
Underrated. Powerful. Free. -
Call someone instead of texting
Even for five minutes. Especially the quiet ones. -
Do something kind without announcing it
Drop off soup. Pay for coffee. Shovel a neighbour’s steps. Quiet kindness counts. -
Sit next to someone instead of across from them
This lowers nervous system guardrails. It signals safety. -
Laugh with someone
Not at anyone. With someone. Shared laughter is oxytocin gold. -
Journal about connection instead of productivity
Ask yourself who feels safe to be with. Then act on one small impulse.
That’s it. No gold stars. No perfection required.
Why This Isn’t About “Loving Christmas”
This is important.
This is not about forcing yourself to enjoy the holidays.
It’s not about pretending family dynamics don’t exist.
It’s not about gratitude shaming or silver linings.
It’s about remembering that Christmas, at its core, was never meant to be about stuff.
It was about gathering.
Safety.
Warmth.
Being seen.
And for people who didn’t grow up with that, this season can feel confusing, heavy, or lonely even when everything looks fine on the outside.
If that’s you, you’re not broken.
You’re human.
A Gentle Ask
As we move into the last days before Christmas, maybe we slow down just enough to notice who’s gone quiet.
Maybe we stop assuming everyone else is okay.
Maybe we reach out without an agenda.
Maybe we create connection instead of consuming it.
Oxytocin doesn’t come from doing more.
It comes from being with.
Even briefly.
Even imperfectly.
And honestly, that might be the most meaningful thing any of us does this week.
A Quiet Tool for Checking In With Yourself (and Others)
One thing I didn’t mention yet, but feels important to say out loud, is that connection doesn’t always start with other people.
Sometimes it starts with noticing how you are actually doing.
This is why I created my BREATHE premium guided mental health journal.
Not to fix you.
Not to make you more productive.
But to give you a place to pause, check in with your emotions, and get honest without performing for anyone else.
A lot of people use it this time of year to process what’s coming up, especially when emotions feel layered or confusing. Others gift it to someone they love because saying “I’m here for you” can feel hard, but offering a safe space to land feels doable.
Mental health check ins don’t have to be dramatic.
They can be quiet.
They can be written.
They can be yours.
And sometimes, when you’re more connected to yourself, it becomes easier to reach out to someone else too.